


An Iron Heart To Love

by ashori_ajol



Series: You & I Are A Love So Pure [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Withdrawal, Baby Peter Parker, Eventual Tony Stark/Virginia "Pepper" Potts, Fluff, Gen, Harley Keener & Peter Parker are Siblings, Harley Keener is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Irondad, Morgan will make an appearance eventually, Not too much but still there, Obadiah is the Worst, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Precious Peter Parker, Some Medical Jargon, Some angst, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony will make some mistakes but he’s trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:01:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23549578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashori_ajol/pseuds/ashori_ajol
Summary: His first child was the shocking surprise he wasn't ready for. And that was okay because with a father like Howard, no one expected him to be.His second child was just as much of a surprise but this time, Tony had no other choice but to be ready.ORHow the universe forces Tony Stark to unravel his iron heart and he discovers that he had the ability to love all this time.It'll just take him more than a few tries to get there.*********************" In fact, Tony had a theory that it had something to do with being blessed with high intelligence and good looks and therefore, low paternal instincts. It would be an injustice to the human race if Stark men excelled at everything, so this was natures way of keeping the balance."- Chapter 1 excerpt
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Mary Parker & Tony Stark, Obadiah Stane & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Harley Keener, Tony Stark & Harley Keener, Tony Stark & Howard Stark, Tony Stark & Maria Stark, Tony Stark & Peter Parker, Tony Stark & Stark Robots, Tony Stark & Virginia "Pepper" Potts
Series: You & I Are A Love So Pure [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694905
Comments: 40
Kudos: 167





	1. One Stark's Mistake Leads To Another

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters in this story (unfortunately) however, the ideas and writings for this story are all mine.
> 
> Please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes.  
> I dont have someone who can proof read and Im horrible at spelling.
> 
> A popular trope in this fandom. Thought Id do my own twist on it.

Very rarely did Anthony Edward Stark spend his precious time thinking about philosophical bullsh*t. Just the thought of even reading inspirational quotes off of the many greeting cards that were sent his way was enough to make his eyes roll. But every so often, usually during the most random of times, he would follow a strand of thought that would lead him into exploring his feelings _(ugh feelings)_. It was on one of those rare days where he was forced to sit at the head of a large glossy table, listening to suited old men moving their mouths and making sounds, that Tony wandered into the deepest crevices of his mind. He sifted through memories that were buried deep, wishes that were locked away, and finally stumbled upon a stray thought he had started building a few nights ago. It was about love, oddly enough as it is. It was about love, and him, and his heart made of iron, a legacy that was gifted to him by the great Howard Stark. The meeting droned on, and Tony continued to mindlessly ponder. It was only until the group of wrinkly men turned to him for a final statement that Tony snapped out of his daze and hastily shoved the conclusion he had just made back into the far reaches of his mind. 

Yea, it was just as he had thought, hearts made of iron weren't made for love. 

***********************

Waking up to a warm bed and a blurred face was as common to him as the thick liquid he guzzled down every evening. He doesn't shy away from statements like ‘playboy’ and ‘alcoholic’. Why should he when it was true anyways? After all, what society has dubbed ‘its greatest pleasures’, is only to be expected to fill the days and nights of a rich and handsome young CEO like Tony Stark. And even if the labels were not true and he stated so, the media or the people woudnt beleive him anyways. He had inherited an entire company at a young age and had worked his a** off to make it the pioneer in technology that it was today. He spent caffeine filled hours coding, rearranging wires, and perfecting designs all for the good of the country. So what's wrong about him indulging? Why should he be embarrassed about having those trashy tabloids rack up pictures of him with at least two women wrapped around his waist? Of course, his secretary, the ever upright Virginia Potts, didn't seem to agree with his sentiments. She didn't know that Tony needed these things to fill the blank portions of his iron heart. The attention, affection, and praise; he needed them all to get through his days. But he sure as hell wasn't going to explain it all to her either. She didn't need to know why he did such things, just that he did. “You're going to get into serious trouble one day Mr.Stark” she would warn him for the nth time after escorting a ginger that had spent a hazy night with him. “Sure sweetheart” he had replied back, brushing past her concerns just like he did every other morning. 

As a certified genius, Tony wasn't stupid. No matter how much he couldn't recall the countless women in his sheets, he would always remember to use protection. Tony's intellect even shined when he was drunk. If you ask him to tie his shoelaces, he may trip and fall flat on his face, but ask him how to reconstruct a hydraulic engine? He could do it all in five minutes. So he could forget his own name and he would still remember that square packet tucked away in his pocket. Forgetting something like that wasn't even an option for him. It hasn't happened yet and would never happen in the future. He wouldn't even bring himself to worry about the consequences of forgetting because it wasn't a possibility. But even he knew that it wasn't a guarantee. There was always the small risk, a risk that he wouldn't normally take if it wasn't for the thoughts that threatened to drown him every day. He needed his large bed warm at night to try and stave off the echoing emptiness he felt. He didn't care if he woke up the next morning feeling exactly the same. He didn't care if the only things these nightly adventures gave him was a measly distraction and a frail liver. He needed _something_. And if this was the best he could get, then for sure he would use it every chance he got. He wasn't going to let that small risk stop him. 

Until the day it did. 

It was at a casino where he met her. She was wearing bright red and her hair shined gold in the dim light. It was definitely the sight of his two favorite colors that attracted him to go sit beside her at the poker table. It was the five drinks and her freckles that made him leave with her hanging off his arm three hours later. He remembered her mentioning that she was from out of state in the backseat of his car. He remembers slipping that beautiful bright red off her shoulders. And of course he remembers the square plastic packet. But he didn't remember much else. He certainly didn't remember anything more when he got a call months later, Pepper hovering around in the background with a tight frown on her face. “Um, hello. Tony Stark?” the voice asked, hesitant. “Yes this is he. And whos this?” he asked, twirling a wrench between his fingers. “Well, this is Amanda Keener but you probably won't know me as that. We met at Magic City Casinos in LA about a few months ago.” the women - er Amanda, said. Glancing over to Pepper, Tony gave her look that asked ‘and why is this person relevant to me?’. Peppers lips twisted even more, if that was possible, as if he was the cause of all the misfortune in her life. And maybe he was but that was for another time. “Listen lady, I've met many women in many casinos and none of them have ever called me unless they were asking for a round two which, you should know, I don't do. So have a nice day Miss Keener”. Before he could toss the phone aside, an exclamation of “Wait!” was heard. Tony sighed and put the receiver back against his ear. “Yeeees?” he drawled out, his already limited patience running out. He doubted she was one of those desperately shameless women who wanted to weasel something out of him, after all Pepper was the one to filter all his calls and she had a block list about 4 feet long. “Listen Mr.Stark. I'm already seven months in and I'm not expecting anything from you. No money, no promises, no nothing. I just felt like telling you was the courteous thing to do.” she said, clear and firm but still with an undertone of anxiety. “Seven months into what? Im sorry but what is this about?” Tony asked, beyond exasperated. 

“Mr Stark… I'm pregnant… with your child”. 

The wrench slipped from his fingers, clattering on the floor and sending a shock wave of sound throughout his lab. But it didn't compare to the shock that went through Tony. He could feel his head start to spin and everything start to blur out just a bit. He was almost sure that his coffee was spiked with something until Peppers voice snapped him out of it. “Mr Stark! Mr. Stark? Are you okay?” she said, shaking his shoulder. Tony brushed her off, struggling to sit upright on his stool. “Im fine. Let me just…” he turned to the cell that had fallen from his fingers, considering it with all caution as one would look at a bomb. The thought that this could be a hoax popped up, a ploy to squeeze something out of him. But it was Pepper who had told him this was an important call… which means she had already run all sorts of tests and had concluded that this WAS worth his precious time. Which means… this… this could be real. He looked up at his secretary who now stood at a respectable distance. “Did you already…” he couldn't say the rest of it even if he tried. But he didn't need to because Pepper, his ever so efficient secretary nodded, “Yes, I requested a DNA test and went personally to confirm the results.” she said, not looking him in the eyes. He didn't even need to know the rest, he already knew. Because if there was one thing Virigina Potts didn't do was avoid his gaze like some meek employee. And if she was avoiding his eyes, it could only mean… 

He felt his vision concave again and quickly ordered to be left alone. Not seeing the worried look in Peppers eyes, Tony turned away and gripped the edges of his work table till his knuckles turned white. He could barely register the fading sound of Peppers heels and her soft voice conversing with Amanda. His hands, no matter how hard he gripped, continued to shake. Damn, it was worse than that one time he tried to quit drinking! He almost laughed out loud at that thought but he knew if he did, he would be one more step closer to insanity. The words _“pregnant”_ and _“yours”_ just kept repeating in his head, louder and louder until that was all he could understand. Suddenly it became harder to breathe, as if his lungs were disconnected from his brain and the oxygen in the room was being sucked out. He... he couldn't breathe. His chest wasn't rising and falling like it was supposed to! But this moment was more familiar to him that the last ten minutes have been. This was something he at least knew how to deal with. If the world knew that the great Tony Stark was familiar with immobilizing panic attacks, they would probably say it was a “predictable consequence of his wild behavior” or deem it as an “attention-seeking PR stunt”. Those were two phrases he had seen more often than his preferred “Genius-Playboy-Billionaire-Philanthropist”. 

For a moment, Tony considered not doing anything and wait until he blacks out. Because at least then, he wouldn't have to think about… about… but if he woke up in a hospital bed a few days later, he knows Obie would rip him a new one. So instead, Tony tried to focus as much as he could, ignoring everything else but trying to seek out five things that were red. For his favorite color, there was little of it in his lab that mostly consisted of blues, silver, and white. Once he spotted a red case, a red flash drive, and a red wire, his breathing began to return to its normal pace. The concerned _beeps_ and _whirs_ from DUM-E were the first sounds that came rushing back to him. He looked over at the old hunk of moving junk and couldn't help the fond smile that appeared. DUM-E had been looking rusty lately, its movements creaky and not as fluid as they used to be. The reminder of how he had forgotten to update the bot brought back the wave of panic from before. Tony groaned with his head in his hands. DUM-E was basically his kid and look how he treats him! Tony threatens him at least everyday about giving him away to some college! And the only reason DUM-E hasn't fallen apart is because of how low maintenance he was! 

Why did this happen?

How could this happen? 

‘Idiot, of course I know how!’, he berated himself, on the edge of hysteria and an inch closer to having another panic attack (two within five minutes of each other- that would be a record). He cant take care of another human being! He cant even take care of himself, let alone someone else! And you cant program or code a child so they would function properly. No, you had to teach them, nurture them… _love_ them. And Tony Stark couldn't do that. He couldn't even imagine himself doing that in his wildest nightmares. He didn't have it in him to be a… a male parental figure. It wasnt in his DNA. Stark men are emotionally and mentally unable to do so. In fact, Tony had a theory that it had something to do with being blessed with high intelligence and good looks and therefore, low paternal instincts. It would be an injustice to the human race if Stark men excelled at everything, so this was natures way of keeping the balance. From the little hairs on his skin to the depths of his bone marrow, Tony Stark was not born with the right stuff needed to raise an actual, living, impressionable child. Why, he himself is the greatest evidence of how Stark men are completely incapable of raising a child. His father had done one hell of a job. It was such a hell of a job that Tony didn't even know what it meant to be a… a male paternal figure. No matter how many times he had seen ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’, he still can't understand what it entailed. And the world could barely handle one Tony Stark; it sure as heck didn't need another one.  
********************  
Everything became a lot easier than he thought it would be and quite similar to how his usual arrangements go. There were meetings held, decisions made, NDAs passed around, and papers signed. Obie had made a fuss at first but Tony had stopped it before it escalated by explaining his decisions of not raising the kid at all. He had explicitly explained it to the handful of people that needed to know that he would be providing nothing more than financial support to the mother and child. And the handful of people had quickly agreed, after all, they too knew that throwing money at things was what Tony did best. Even Rhodey who had not agreed with him initially and had some weird notion that Tony should at least make some appearances for the child had finally conceded to him in the end. “Its for the best Rhodey Bear. Amanda will see the best doctors the state of Tennessee can offer and doesnt even have to worry about paying for the kids' college! Who wouldn't want that?” he said. “But its not going to hurt if you see the kid a few times Tones. Like for birthdays or something? After all it's going to be your kid.” Rhodey said, sounding sincere and not at all like he was joking. Tony had swiftly turned to him, making a _tut, tut_ sound, looking all the more condescending. “Oh Rhodey Bear, he’s going to think I'm some weird uncle if I do that. And what if Amanda caves one day and admits that I'm the father like in Jerry Springer! I’m a dramatic man but even I dont need that type of drama in my life. Can you imagine the tears? Plus, you know that I can't handle kids no matter what stage of development they're at! Babies through adolescence is a big no no for me.” he said, ending that train wreck of a suggestion right then and there. It wasnt an exaggeration at all when he said he couldnt handle kids. Whenever he was in the presence of one he would either ignore them till they went away or gave them his ‘press smile’ and a few empty speeches about the importance of ambition or something. Heck, thats how he interacted with half the adults in his life let alone the kids! He was a walking contradiction. He thrived in the spotlight but he hated it. He was forced to become a “people person” but he wasnt! 

Tony couldnt help but let out a sigh as he walked into his elevator alone, the doors sliding close and providing some much needed silence. It had been nothing but hectic madness for the last two weeks since the hydrogen bomb had been dropped in his life. He wouldnt allow himself to stop doing something, knowing that if he had even a small break, he would come crashing right down. Tony leaned back onto the cool wall, finally feeling as if everything was going to be okay; feeling as if his life wasn't spiraling out his hands and shattering into a million pieces. Once he had started to think of the baby as another one of his side projects, it didn't seem so bad anymore. He would just keep a watch of it from a far, donating money to it when needed and nothing more. That was something he did all the time. What was one more? It had sounded heartless when he had explained it out loud to Pepper but it was the only way Tony would be able to survive another day with something like this on his plate. Amanda had refused at first, insisting that she hadnt called for the money but Tony had explained to her that this was something he needed to do. He wouldnt be able to sleep (not that he was sleeping much now) if he didn't do anything while knowing he had a kid out there. He wasnt a complete bastard. She had reluctantly accepted then, promising to give him weekly updates until her birth and reassuring him that she would notify him of any emergencies. Tony had agreed, both of them avoiding any other topics that ‘usual parents’ would have conversed about by now. But they both knew that Tony Stark wasnt a ‘usual parent’. And they both didn't have any expectations of him ever becoming one either.  
**********************  
The weeks passed by quickly with Tony doing the things he did best, the only interruptions to his usual routine being the updates Pepper would tell him about Amanda and the baby. There were even a few instances when he read some texts on fetal and infant growth (not that he’d ever let anyone but J.A.R.V.I.S know). He couldn't help but indulge the naturally curious streak of his personality. But he made sure to stay clear from any and all things that started branching into the ‘care’ and ‘raising’ portion of the topic. That would lead him into a series of spiral panic attacks and that was best to be avoided.That, and the fact that he had significantly cut down his night time partying and taking nameless women into his bed. That was what landed him in this situation and he was truthfully much too paranoid for a repeat. This change may not be a permanent thing, no one knowing what mood Tony Stark would be in the future, but for now, he would rather drink himself into oblivion by himself. 

It was on an unusually cool Summer night that Pepper got _the_ call. Tony was perfecting his latest design, making it ready to present it to his board tomorrow. Pepper came speed walking in, her usual grace forgone to reach Tony more quickly. “Amandas water broke and shes at the hospital right now.” she said, out of breath. Tonys eyes widen and he felt his heart squeeze as he slowly sifted through his blueprints. It really shouldn't have been a surprise since the due date was just two days away (he had spent an 20 minutes glaring at the red circle on the calendar Pepper had created for him) but Tony felt as if nothing could ever prepare him for this. It was like a hurricane you knew was coming and you try to prepare for but in the end, it was useless and all you could do was try to hold on as it wreaked havoc. “Did you call that doctor? Laner or Lanson or something?” he forced out, his stomach feeling like a 10 pound weight was dropped in it. It was a strange sensation, especially considering that he wasnt the one going into labor. “Dont worry Mr. Stark, everything will turn out fine”. Pepper says, a look of confidence on her face. Tony feigned a scoff, “I'm not nervous Ms Potts.” he said. Or at least, he wasnt nervous about what she thinks he would be nervous about. Oh no. Tony was nervous about the fact that within the next day or so, there would be a kid out there in this world with half his genes. It was terrifying idea that he would never had thought would become real all his life. And yet here they were.  
******************  
A healthy baby boy of seven pounds was born to Amanda Kenner on July 17th. It was a smooth, natural birth that had both the mother and son in recovery earlier than scheduled. The hospital staff would look on curiously at the women and newborn staying in their top class VIP room, surrounded by a team of specialists that were renowned in their specialized fields. They would see the trolley of fine meals wheeled in during the day, freshly washed bed sheets and hospital gowns brought in during the night, and a large bouquet of expensive flowers and wine delivered right after the birth. Then they would think to themselves that Amanda Kenner was lucky to have a doting husband and the baby boy was born blessed with such an amazing father. 

****************  
It was a text message two days later from Amanda that felt like the final call from reality to Tony. He had opened it up and was met with a picture of a red face who looked a second away from screaming, tiny fists clenched with prominent chubby rolls disguised as arms. Underneath it was a text that simply said “Harley Keener” with a date, time, and weight. Tony blinked at his screen for a moment, waiting for his brain to catch up with his eyes and finish processing what he was seeing. And of course the first thing his constipated brain came up with was, ‘She named him after a motorcycle?’. But Tony knew he didn't get the right to critique her choice of a name and instead moved on to ‘So this is him huh? This is my child’. The thought felt so wrong to him but he couldn't stop himself from looking at the scrunched eyes and small mouth on his screen. He didn't know what to feel. Or maybe he was feeling so much that he couldn't untangle it all? He didn't know the correct emotions he was supposed to have right now. Did this happen to other parents or was this another Tony-only thing again? He sighed a sigh worth at least ten years of his life as he stared wearily across the room, suddenly feel exhausted. He should probably text something back. The women was still recovering and had taken the time to text him so he should say something. Glancing once more at the baby - his baby, Tony typed up the only thing he could think of. He then slid his phone into a corner and walked away after pressing send, not wanting to be around the device for a second longer. 

The words “Congratulations. Nice name” never seemed so flat.  
******************  
Willing his days to remain normal was not the simple task he thought it would become. From time to time, especially when Amanda would send a message over, thoughts of the baby would come drifting into Tonys head. Of course he would banish it as soon as it lingered for too long (no longer than thirty seconds was acceptable). There was even a day where he had caved into Rhodey’s constant badgering of “Come on Tones, you gotta see your own kid at least once in your life”. Usually Tony would then reply with a “I do Honey Bear. Amanda sends me pictures”. And maybe it was because he had reached his limit with Rhodeys constant insistence or maybe it was that prick of curiosity and warmth that had slowly risen over an year and a half but Tony had decided to visit a very specific small town in Tennessee. He didn't dare tell Obie about it and gave Pepper the excuse of having a boys night out with Rhoedy (who he dragged out with him because there was NO way he was going alone! This was HIS idea after all!). He didn't indulge Rhodeys knowing looks or amused smirks but instead sat in stoic silence the entire trip to the address Amanda had sent him. The whole thing felt surreal, an out of body experience, like watching yourself get murdered in a nightmare you know you had before. Tony could tell that Amanda had been surprised when he had mentioned his intentions of visiting (JUST once - it was explicitly stated) but she was polite, if not hesitant, about the whole thing. And for that, Tony once again couldn't help but appreciate the women and counted it as a blessing that at the very least, it was a woman like Amanda Keener that had his child. 

Surprisingly, the thought that this was all a **horrible** idea and that it was never too late to jet back to Miami came later than it should have. A bit too late but not by much because Rhodey and he had _just_ stepped onto a stone pathway leading up to a cozy yellow ranch house. Tony knew the delay was because his brain seemed to be in some sort of hypo active state the entire day and was just catching up. He couldn't believe he let Rhodey talk him into this! He didn't want this to happen! Ever since the day he found out about this child's existence, he was adamant on never letting something like this happen. So how could he let Rhodeys constant suggestions sway him? How could he let his curiosity over run him like this? Just because the pictures of a baby’s growth over a year was intriguing did not mean he could do something like this! So what if it was fascinating how an indistinguishable wrinkled red face could just transform into deep blue eyes, a curved chin, and his Nonna's nose?! That didn't mean anything! Tony growled, even his own damn brain was betraying him! He had just turned both his heels around, determined to get his private jet ready for boarding within an hour when he felt a hand lay firmly on his shoulder. “Tones. Are you sure you wont regret this?” Rhodey said, his voice free of bias and judgement. Tony stopped and turned to him, “You really do think I should do this huh?” he asked, his face showing a rare expression of vulnerability. He didn't really understand why Rhodey had been so stubborn about this whole thing but sometimes, he knew that his best friend, his only constant in life, knew more about him that Tony did. “Yea Tony, I really do.” Rhodey replied softly, a small smile on his face. And Tony knew that Rhodey was right. It might not be tomorrow, or the months after, or even the years after, but someday, Tony would regret not seeing his own child at least once. He let out a sigh, defeated, and trudged along as Rhodey led him to the tan door. 

Amanda greeted them with a polite smile and led them in. Her home was just as Tony imagined it would be, small and warm with earthy colors all around and plenty of potted plants. He restrained himself with the urge to roll his eyes at the typical cowboy hat in a corner, a pair of large bull horns hung on a wall, and a framed quote that seemed to be right out of one of those self-help books. There were a few surprises, like a hideous mustard colored vase, a pair of well used trekking poles, and a seemingly untouched shelf of alcohol that immediately drew his eyes in (he could already feel the itch on his palms but restrained himself. Soon, he promised himself, soon). Amanda must have noticed where his gaze lingered because she offered them a glass before they had even sat down. Before Rhodey could let out a firm “No”, Tony said his “If you insist”. When Amanda had left for the kitchen, he could feel the heat of Rhodey’s glare. “We cant be rude guests Sour Patch.” was the only response he gave. Was it wrong to throw back a drink when meeting his child for the first time? Maybe? But could Tony use that bit of edge that he so desperately needed to get through this? Definitely. It would make this whole experience that much more manageable for him and that was good for everyone here. So really, he was doing them all a service when he sipped on the amber colored drink as soon as Amanda had set the tray down. 

A few moments of silence passed until Rhodey, being the gentleman that he was, asked Amanda how everything was going. “Everything is good. Ive completely healed and the doctors all say that Harley is growing fine. He's passing all his milestones on time, following the curve, and he's even in the 75th percentile line!” she said, the first glimmering smile she gave them since they've come. Tony wondered if Rhodey had understood anything she had just said because he sure as f*ck didn't. What milestones would babies even have? A curve, like a graph? And was 75th percentile good because it sounded bad (but probably not because Amanda looked happy and the doctors that Tony had hired didn't tell him there was anything wrong with the child)? Why did this suddenly sound like one of the meetings he was forced to go to with the boring, old, wrinkly men? Is this what raising a baby was like? Like his hair pulling, time sledging, mind numbing meetings? No wonder Stark men weren't cut out for this! He was brought out from his thoughts when he heard the sound of a single high pitched wail. Tony would have thought it was comedic how they all seemed to freeze at the sound if he suddenly didn't feel like a tightly strung violin. Amanda looked back and down the hall where the noise had come from and turned back to them. “It seems like Harley's awake and ready to meet you both.” she said, an almost shy look on her face. When she left the living room, Tony let out the breath he was holding and swung the rest of his drink into his unusually parched mouth. “Tony calm down. It's going to be okay.” Rhodey said, turning to him. “You're not helping!” he exclaimed, grabbing the bottle for a much needed refill. “Tony!” Rhodey seethed as he grabbed the bottle back and pulled Tony's arm away, pushing him down into his seat. Tony was a second away from lashing out when they both heard the sound of Amanda's footsteps and scrambled to look like they weren't about to have an all out brawl. 

When Amanda walked back in and settled down to her seat, Tony's eyes stayed glued to the figure in her arms. He’s never realized how small one and half year olds were until now. It was so surreal… how small babies were when compared to adults like himself. Amanda's smile shined as she maneuvered the baby in her lap to properly face them. He could see Rhodey lean forward in his peripheral vision as he felt himself instinctively move back. His eyes roved over the baby - no, it was Harley wasnt it? Right, the baby had a name now (well _had_ a name for an year and half now but Tony has never really thought about it). He took in Harley's drooping blue eyes, the curved chin, and his Nonna's nose. He then quickly brushed over the fluffs of blond hair and chubby cheeks. Tony was trying. He was trying so hard to mold his face back into his usual expression but he just couldnt get rid of that panicked look in his eyes. He could tell because when Amanda glanced over at him, her face had fallen a fraction. He doesnt know what she had been hoping for but he knew she was a smart enough woman to not hope for the impossible. So whatever small hope it was, he had clearly failed (surprise, surprise, Tony Stark failing the hopes and expectations of another human being). He tried once more to reign his emotions in, hoping to distract himself by silently watching Rhoedy talk to Amanda about Harley. Rhodey went on and on about how cute Harley was and how big he had already gotten (Cute? He couldn't see it though his panic. Big? Where?). Tony's tongue felt heavy and dry like sandpaper and he wished more than anything that he didn't care about decency and would chug down the bottle in front of him. He had then snapped back to Amanda asking them both if they wanted to hold him. Before Tony could say a firm “No”, Rhodey beat him with an “If you insist”, subtly throwing a smug look at him. If they noticed how much more rigid Tony had gotten when Rhodey had Harley in his arms, they did say anything. 

He watched uneasily as Rhodey struggled to adjust the squirming baby in lap, secretly pleased that Rhodey was just as clueless about these kinds of things as he was. The dark feeling that had started to grow ever since they had entered Amanda's home was coiling up quickly into Tony's throat as he watched Rhodeys smile go soft when Harley had finally looked up at him. Tony looked away from the duo, knowing if he didn't, he would probably walk right out the door and instead latched his attention onto the bottle in front of him. He feels himself taking deep breaths, in and out, chest expanding and contracting. He heard Harley babble, indistinguishable noises that all babies made that would one day become actual words.He then heard Rhodey speak to Harley as if the baby would understand and respond back to him and Tony just didn't understand the point of it all.

Harely looked so fragile, so malleable, so small. How was it that people didn't feel fear when faced with something like that? How was their first instinct to not step away when faced with something so delicate? Maybe it was because they didn't know how much the words and actions of a person could break another. Or maybe they didn't know how easy it was to destroy something with just a touch? But Tony knew, he knew all of this. In fact, Tony had experienced all of this first hand and maybe that was why he was considered the odd one. Because despite what everyone else says, the raw truth wasn't that Tony hated children, he was terrified of them… he was terrified _for_ them. He releases a deep breath, taking another one in. His decision, even if people judged him for it or didn't understand him or called him heartless, is the right one. Because if Howard was the one that had broken Tony, Tony would surely be the one that broke Harley. Someone who didn't bother to care for their own necessities and continue to lead a mess of a life had no business trying to raise a child. He felt his muscles relax just a bit and he decided that this whirlwind of an experience was enough for a lifetime. He thinks he had lasted long and did good. There were no sudden outbreaks, no full set panic attacks, and he was polite. He even only had a single glass! Yea, he definitely did great. This was enough and it was better to end things on a good note. 

He not-so-subtly glanced at his watch, making sure to wait until he was seen before he let out a sigh. Amanda and Rhodey glanced at him and Tony forced a touch of regret into his tone as he said, “Well, its getting pretty late”. They both looked startled and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall simultaneously. It was 6 in the evening and the sun was just starting to dip down from the sky. Finally, the universe was on his side for once! “We really appreciate you making time for us on such a short notice Amanda.” Tony said, trying to wrap up everything in a nice bow. Amanda retrieved a babbling Harley back into her lap and Tony ignored the look of disappointment in Rhodeys face. He doesnt know why, but he feels a slight sense of betrayal that Rhodey didn't share the same sense of urgency to flee as he did. Werent they suppose to be all in this together or whatever? Well, at least Rhodey didn't suggest for Tony to hold the baby as well so it looks like they wont be breaking up after all. Since no one else seemed to want to move, Tony rose from his seat first, which naturally led the other two adults to follow. Rhodey made sure to also thank Amanda (and Harley - again what was the point?) for their hospitality. Tony led front and center as the two - well three, followed him out the living room and eventually out the cozy yellow house. Rhodey bypassed him as Tony slowed his pace to an eventual stop. He should probably say something right? Be weird like Rhodey and talk to the baby as if he would understand what Tony was saying? This would be the last time he would see his very own child so surely, he should say something. He wouldn't damage Harley with just one careful sentence...right? Squaring his shoulders back, he turned swiftly to the new mother and her son, fully facing Harley for the first (and last) time. He had the immediate urge to swipe on his signature sunglasses when the baby's eyes pierced right into his but restrained himself (man was he doing a lot of that these days). He let a beat pass by then two, scrambling to collect himself all while thinking of something to say. He struggled to push back the wave of ‘Breakable, delicate, small, breakable, pure ’ that was echoing in his head. He didn't really know what he said or if it made sense but he said it. He said something to little one and half year old Harley and hoped in whatever Rhodey hoped in that the child would understand. 

He said, “Live your best life kiddo. Be loved and you will live your best life”.

It sounded like one of those inspirational sayings he hated so much but this time, he felt the truth of it ache deep within his own cold, iron heart. 

**********************  
Life moved on and although there were a few instances where he would stumble, Tony did too. It was a bit shaky here and there but Tony held firm to the few new rules of his life which were: 1) not to drink and sleep with random women again, 2) not be a DNA donor and lead to the creation of another human being again, and 3) not to interact and risk messing up the human being he had already created...again. And so far, it was going so well. He was doing so good. He hadn't broken a single rule. 

Until the day he met Mary Parker.


	2. One More Mistake and Many Heartaches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-betated as usual.  
> I was super excited to post this and didnt proof read so please feel free to point out any mistakes so I can edit them in.
> 
> I apologize for being extra on the hospital details but I am studying to be a medical worker some day so I cant help but want those portions to be right.

Although two and half years had already passed since Harley had been born, Tony couldn't get rid of his paranoia about drinking in public. 

The press, of course, had noticed his lack of partying and women, asking several times about the sudden change. He didn't bother to give an answer so they all assumed it wouldn't be a permanent thing. 

And they were somewhat right. 

Tony still went gambling at least once a month and attended required business related parties but now without the heavier drinks and women. One of such gatherings was the Winter Conference Tony had to attend every November. It was one of the only conferences Tony actually somewhat enjoyed, where he didn't have to talk to snobby businessmen and instead to intellectuals who spoke his language. 

Of course, that didn't mean intellectuals werent just as annoying, especially when they hounded after him in hopes of partnership or kissed up to him for sponsorship. 

Which is why after two hours of standing around talking, champagne in one hand and sunglasses firmly in place, he was ready to go home. It only took one pointed glare from Obie which made him settle back into his corner. He didn't want to argue with the man, so he instead nursed his glass close and took another sip. He had managed to escape an insistent crowd that couldn't stop splurging him with honeyed words of flattery. Now usually, that would be a great conversation he would love to participate in but after hearing such saccharine for 30 minutes, even he thought it to be too sweet and left. 

Glancing down at the half empty glass that he had determined would be his last one for the night, he glanced over at the only other person that didn't seem to be in the mood for this conference. He couldnt help but feel a sense of camaraderie as he saw the woman throw back a shot glass into her awaiting mouth. He felt even more when he heard her let out a sigh that was worth at least a year of trouble. And he most definitely tried to ignore her silky brown hair and red painted lips. 

Nope, it was the sense of camaraderie that drew him in and not those big green eyes of hers. He settled down into a seat near her, sipping the remains of his glass carefully. There were still an unbearably long three hours left until the conference was done so Tony figured he might as well try to strike a conversation with the women who clearly wanted to be left alone. If she ignored him, he wouldnt bother trying again and leave her to be as they both drowned themselves in loneliness and liquor. But if she talks back, heck it would be way more interesting than the guy on stage fumbling over his lecture cards. 

Clearing his throat to give her a heads up and not startle her off, he said, “Its rare that I meet someone that could hold their liquor in as well as I do. Definitely an accomplishment like no other”. 

The woman glanced over at him, her eyes puffed and tinged pink around the edges and Tony almost recoiled back. It was then that he realized that this woman wasnt drinking to drive away boredom, she was drinking to forget. She was drinking to escape reality like he did on long nights, alone on the cold floor of his lab. And Tony _really_ didn't want to deal with heavy emotions right now. 

But it was too late as the women replied, “Well, looks like I can brag that I'm on par with Tony Stark on at least one thing at the next white tie snooze fest I get invited to”. And Tony couldn't help the smirk that slipped through. 

Witty, intelligent, and gorgeous? 

That was a combination that was rare for the women Tony usually met with. He was a fool for thinking he could just walk away from her so easily. 

Knowing that they were both open to a much needed distraction, Tony picked a random, innocent bystander and started to speculate their life story and the women followed along soon after without missing a beat. 

“Oh that guy definitely doesn't go home to his wife with that outfit. Probably has a spare he changes into when he leaves.” or “For sure, that lady has been planning to push her mother-in-law off of some conveniently placed stairs”. They snicker to each other behind their hands, feeling for the first time that night, unrestrained. 

It was stupid, it was shallow, and it was something two grown adults of their caliber should not be doing. But maybe that's why it felt so relieving. There was something freeing about nit picking and speculating about the lives of others and not their own. They continued their little game well into the night, plenty of unsuspecting people to weave tales about. 

By the end of it, Tony was feeling good. His head felt as if it would float to the sky, the usual weight on his shoulders not there to keep him grounded. And Mary, (yes, he has managed to get her name, eventually), was just as dazed as he was. 

So when Obie had walked up to them and said he was leaving, Tony stood up as well. He didn't even think about it as he offered an arm to Mary. He didn't think as he glided out the door and down the step with her at his side. He didn't think when they both wilted slightly into each other in the limo, feeling even more relaxed when they were out of the public's eyes. 

Nope, there was no thinking involved when he led Mary into his bedroom and there were no complaints from her either. There were definitely feelings of intense regrets in the morning along with a steady headache. Tony knew this was a mistake but at the back corner of his mind, he was at least grateful that it was with Mary that he made the mistake with. 

Mary, who wasnt demanding in the morning, wasn't rude to Pepper when she greeted them, and didnt made a fuss when he said goodbye. Mary who only said one thing to him before she left and smiled softly as she did so.

Something that no one had ever said to him from his countless one night stands.

Something that almost made him feel a bit less regretful about the whole thing.

She said, “Thank you”. 

********************************  
He thought about Mary and her “Thank you” a few times afterwards but eventually, it was moved to the back of his mind to make room for new priorities. 

Priorities like his New Year's meetings, new projects for the year, a PR event led by Pepper, the yearly press conference, and getting Obie off his back because the man was being more of an annoyance than usual! Now as much as he disagreed with Obadiah about things (okay a lot of things), he respected his business partner and pseudo-guardian. After all, he was the person that guided him when he was left completely lost by Howard and Maria's death. 

But lately, Tony wasn't sure for what reason, Obie seemed to be trying to get on his nerves. He kept bringing up Tonys change in habits after Harley had been born and how he thought Tony wasnt going to let Harley affect him. It was almost as if he was goading Tony back into drinking and partying recklessly. Which was ridiculous because Tony has been more efficient as the CEO of his own d*mn company than he ever was for these last two years! Hes been designing and making weapons before deadlines (plus conspicuously working on a few personal side projects) and even started dabbling in the ‘business’ side of the company (not that he wanted to but Pepper had been very encouraging in the disguise of demanding). 

Heck, he even discovered a corrupt employee who was illegally selling his products to a third company just last month! He had expected Obie to be proud of how much more independent he had grown but instead, Obie had been nothing but irritable. He didn't know what the man's problem was and honestly just didn't want to be around him. Thankfully, avoiding him was easy when you're a billionaire with your own high security, private lab. 

So there he was, one Sunday afternoon (evening? He wasn't sure at this point), hiding from Obie and working on one of his side projects, an AI driven automobile. When the voice of Ozzy Osbourne faded out to J.A.R.V.I.S, Tony knew that either the sky was falling down or worse, Obie was kicking up a storm at the entrance. 

Tony let out an aggravated sigh, asking his faithful AI what the supposed problem was. “Sir, Miss Potts is outside with urgent news. She has insisted to see you and appears to be very distressed from the look on her face”. Tony groaned, Pepper showing anything but either a calm, determined, or annoyed face was not a good sign at all. Forced to let her in, he cleared his desk of any remnants of his project and tried to make himself look as presentable as he could while covered in grease. 

“Please tell me Obie has finally decided to leave the country.” he said, hearing the familiar clicking of heels. “Mr. Stark! You have an urgent call from LIJ Cohen's Hospital in New York.” she said, her voice wavering, clear panic beneath her urgency. Tony looked at her, confused but suddenly feeling a sense of doom. He wanted to ask why some random hospital across the country was calling him but his throat felt clogged up. Pepper handed him the phone and he hesitantly put it up to his ear. This was a familiar feeling, he didn't understand why he was feeling a sense of dejavu until it was too late.  
“Good Evening Mr. Stark, my name is Alicia Harris and I'm a social worker from LIJ Cohens. I'm not allowed to explain things to your secretary to protect patient privacy so please dont blame her. 

This is a call regarding the birth of your child, the mother being a woman named Mary Parker.

Are you familiar with her Mr. Stark?” the voice said. Tony felt his heart drop to the pits of his stomach with a thud. The air was turning thick and acrid in his throat. This… why was this happening again!? He let loose a single, strangled laugh into the phone. It sounded maniacal, unhinged, and completely out of place because that was exactly what he was feeling. 

_Child?_

He let out another laugh, just as crazed. Another child? Another mistake born into this ruthless world because Tony Stark was an absolute _idiot_? Did the universe enjoy toying with him like this? Was Howard looking on in scorn at his predicament somewhere in the after life? Was Maria frowning with pity? No, no ,no, this… this wasnt real. This wasnt happening again. “Mr. Star-? Mr. St-?”. How… how did it suddenly get so cold and quiet? J.A.R.V.I.S must have shut down the power. It was because this was an emergency, an emergency worthy enough to shut everything down. ‘Good ol’ J.A.R.V.I.S’. That was his last thought before everything went completely dark. 

At least he was more at peace in this place where he felt and knew nothing.

********************  
Waking up, his body was heavy and he almost expected the headache that usually came after a long night of drinking. But instead of pain, all he got was a silence so absolute, it was jarring. His usually hyperactive mind seemed to be at a stand still, his thoughts and ideas frozen in place. ‘Another child’ seemed to be the only thing that was resounding in his head. 

Why did the universe seem to hate him so much? 

The one time in two and half years that he had slipped up, the _ONE_ time and it resulted in a child?! He had spent so much effort to prevent just this and it was all a waste! And it wasn't even something greedy or selfish that he was asking for!! He just didn't want to bring another child into this world who wouldn't get the love from him that they deserved because he didn't know how to give it! 

Tony Stark was never a person that relied on fickle things like wishes or hope to get things done but for once in his life, he used the remaining strength he had to wish and hope that this could somehow turn out to be a dream. It was only when he finally looked over to find Pepper and Rhodey sitting on a chair next to the sofa he was laying on with concerned looks on their faces that he understood. What happened was not a nightmare, a fever dream, or an alcohol induced hallucination… no, it was all very real. 

He let out a single, long sigh, resigned and defeated. “So, what did that social service worker tell you?”. He asked, as he rose from his position and stared through the familiar glass wall of his lab. “Tones, dont get up so fast.You really scared Pepper. She said you took a real dive there.” Rhodey said, a tentative hand to his shoulder. Tony let out a humorless chuckle, “Well Ms Potts, it was time for me to update your job description anyways to include things like this. So, the social worker?”. Pepper didn't even crack her usual smile and the frown on her face grew. 

“Mr. Stark, maybe we should wait a while till I tell you -” she was interrupted with a swipe of his hand through the air. “Just get it over with.” he said, so very tired. Its not like waiting a bit was going to change anything. But Pepper and Rhodeys silence said otherwise and Tony was getting the idea that something more was happening, something more than just ‘another child’. 

“What? What happened?” he asked, a hint of desperation in his voice as he felt panic begin to claw against up his throat once again. 

“Its about Mary Parker… Mr. Stark, she… the reason why the social worker called about the baby was because Mrs. Parker left a letter to contact you in case…” Pepper started, drifting off into a solemn silence. “In case what? Did she… did she leave the baby?!” he asked, feeling horrified at the possibility. 

So not only did he bring another child into this world, but one that couldn't be loved and taken care of by both his biological parents?! The panic increased and Tony felt a deep ache in his heart. His supposed iron heart was beginning to ache for this child he doesn't know but somehow created. 

“No, no Mr. Stark. Mrs. Parker… she died a few hours after labor.” 

Pepper said, her voice tinged in sympathy. And for the first time in his life, Tony Stark felt less afraid of the possibility of loving his own child than he did feel the _overwhelming_ despair of not knowing how. 

******************  
The next few days were one of the strangest series of moments of Tony Starks life. 

It was like he was watching everything through the eyes of another person. 

Everything felt slow but simultaneously too fast. He felt far away, almost detached, as if his soul was tethered to his hollow body by a string which led him along this way and that. 

After coming up with a plausible excuse to Obie and the rest of his board (a PR event that ranged over several days was the one they ended up using. He didn't have the strength to deal with Obies nagging like the ones with Harley) he boarded his private jet along with Pepper, Rhodey, and his most trusted bodyguard, Harold “Happy” Hogan. Rhodey had pleaded with his commanding officer to give a week off with the promise of working over the holidays. His best friend knew that Tony needed as much support as he could get. 

Blankly staring out the window of his plane, the man himself couldn't be bothered with anything or anyone. Tonys only goal was to not lose himself to the depths of panic and everyone else seemed to understand as they promptly left him alone. 

One step at a time, that was how he was going to get through this. 

He didn't even bother to come up with a concrete plan once the plane landed and left it all up to the other 3 occupants. He wouldn't be able to come up with one in his current mindset even if he tried. Besides, he has always been a ‘go-with-the-flow’ kind of guy. And so what if this was nothing like hes ever faced before? 

Surely, going in without a plan will work? 

Yep, it was definitely going work. 

Four hours later and Tony's mind had just settled into a numbing state as the plane began to slowly descend. Pepper had gotten more information from the social worker who had no choice but to relay information to her as Tony didn't know if he could handle it all without some sort of filter (aka Pepper). 

Mary had been weak throughout her pregnancy all while suffering through depression. She was eventually forced to get a C-section two months early and the process put a huge physical strain on her. Despite the valiant efforts of all her medical workers, her prognosis was poor and she began to deteriorate. 

Mary had known about her slim chances of survival and had written letters before her C-section to both Tony and the medical workers of the hospital. It was because of this letter that the hospital had even bothered to contact Tony in the first place. 

Tony nodded mutely along as Pepper relayed this to him, leaning back into his seat and closing his eyes. Although he didn't know Mary Parker for as long as he would have liked, Tony knew from just spending that one night with her that she was a good woman, one worth spending a few minutes in respectful silence. 

Mary was gone and even if it sounded insensitive, Tony wished she wasnt just so he wouldnt be stuck in this situation. He would have just handed the child over to her and cared for them financially just as he had done with Harley. 

But that wasnt an option anymore, especially when Pepper told him that in Mary's letter to the hospital she had insisted that Tony go to meet their child and read her letter to him. So that was what he was going to do. He wasnt so cruel to ignore the remaining wishes of a dead woman, especially one like Mary. 

Swiftly sliding into the private car with innate ease, Tony looked around to make sure no stray flashes of cameras were around. The only thing that would make this even worse was if paparazzi got a hold of this. Ugh, he hadn't even considered that possibility yet either and he really didn't want to start. 

He glanced over at Pepper sifting through the stack of NDAs ready to be handed out at the hospital and Tony, not for the first and certainly not for the last time, thanked the universe for Pepper Potts. It was now the small mercies that kept Tony afloat. 

The drive to the hospital was atrocious and even with Happy's expertise, they had gotten stuck in traffic for an hour and another fifteen getting into their scheduled reserved parking spot. But no one complained because they would all rather stay snug inside the Bentley than step foot into the large hospital. 

Tony could feel the pull of panic within him and decided that he needed to get this over with now. The faster he got through this step, the faster he could create a solid plan and put this all behind him. Without waiting for Happy to open the door, he clamored out himself and began a brisk pace to the reflective doors to LIJ Cohens. The public face fitted on easily in place as his shoulders drew back. 

Smiling charmingly at the security guard sitting at the front desk, he greeted them with a voice that didn't sound as lost as he felt. He was about to ask where they needed to go but then realized he didn't know what to say. He cant ask to see Mary so... ‘Wait…I dont even know anything about the child.’ he thought, just realizing. ‘Not the name, not the gender, not the exact birth date, nothing about their health or where they even were in the hospital...just their dead mothers name and that they were born two months too soon’. 

He turned to Pepper who leapt to the rescue, “Um, can you please direct us to the NICU?” she asked. The woman nodded and pointed towards some elevators, “On the third floor, then take a right”. She thanked the woman and they all scrambled into a thankfully empty elevator (small mercies Tony, small mercies). 

Tony felt his heart pound, forceful, like it was preparing him for a fight. He took a deep breath, in and out, several times, reigning himself back into that almost numbing state. 

He could do this, he has to do this. 

He faintly thought the ding of the elevator sounded similar to the ding of a church bell signalling a funeral when Rhodey snapped him out of it as they all got off onto the third floor. Turning right, they merged into the busy streams of people in a hospital, nurses racing along with determined steps and visitors looking just as lost as they did. 

Finally, they saw two heavy metal doors that led to the NICU, another security officer guarding the doors. If the four of them were not who they were, they may have even gulped at the imposing sight the unit gave from the outside. “I didn't know people stole babies that often”, he stage whispered to Rhodey who had chosen to elbow him as a response. After getting copies of their IDs made and of course, getting a surprised double take for Tonys, the security guard let them in. 

The comparative quiet of the unit shouldn't have surprised them as it did when they walked in. Their eyes automatically gravitated towards the enclosed back of the unit where through the glass, they saw nurses shuffling around small beds and confined cases. Tony almost crashed straight into Pepper when she suddenly stopped at the Nurses Station, Rhodey coming to his rescue with a tug back. Ripping his eyes away from where his child probably was (a terrifying yet suddenly curious thought), he listened in on the clerk who had greeted them. “And who are you here to see?” she asked. 

“Peter Parker ma’am.”

Pepper replied and Tony felt himself intake an extra gulp of air. ‘Peter… she named him Peter. Didn't that mean rock or stone?’ he wondered. He pushed away the irony of Stark men having iron hearts and the child being named “stone”. 

This time, there was no one there to congratulate on the name picking. 

“Were you friends with his mother, Mary?” the clerk asked, a solemn look on her face. “Um no ma’am. Actually he is the child's biological father.” Pepper said, a look of uncertainty on her face that didn't seem to fit her. “Ah, Mr. Stark!” the clerk said, flustered when she registered the man partially hidden behind his secretary. “Yes, yes, Alicia said you would be coming. I- I didn't realize it would be so soon… um, I’ll call the nurse and doctor in charge of Peter to meet with you. You all can take a seat in the family waiting area right over there.” she stuttered, pointing to an open area full of couches. 

The odd group of four settled in a vacant corner, Tony plopping down on a couch and taking a deep breath. Thankfully, there were only two other people around, each distracted by their phones to notice the most richest and influential man on the planet in their presence. No one spoke, not knowing what to say or deciding it was better not to say anything. They were all gathering their thoughts, the degrees of chaos varying but still present. Either way, this was definitely the most quiet trip they have ever taken. 

Their ten minutes of much needed deceptive peace was shattered with the arrival of two figures, a man in a white coat and a woman in scrubs. “Good Afternoon, Im Dr Kaleb, Peter Parker's primary physician and this is Nurse Ashley. Shall we move to a more private area to speak?” the man - er doctor, said, leading them to an empty conference room. They all settled in an awkward semi circle, the two medical workers looking much more comfortable than they ever could. 

Tony sat the closest to the two, feeling like he wouldn't be able to use Pepper as a shield any longer no matter how much he wanted to. Dr. Kyle…nope it was Kaleb (thank goodness for those name tags - small mercies!), went first. “As you may know, Peter was born on the 27th week so he is known as a premature baby. Now babies born this early usually have a very good survival rate but they still need to stay in the hospital for a while to catch up on those two months of growth. This mainly includes the respiratory system and immune system. Peter currently has a CPAP on him which helps him breathe and an IV line for nutrition. Depending on his progress, he’ll hopefully move on to an oral gastric tube for nutrition within the next two weeks or so. Do you have any questions for me?” the doctor asked, looking at Tony primarily. 

Tony felt like his head was spinning one way while the Earth rotated in the opposite direction. CPAP? 27th week? _F*ck_ , he knew he should have done some reading on the plane! Seeing the desolate gaze in his eyes the doctor gave him a concerned look, “Look Mr. Stark, Ive heard from Mrs. Harris that Peter was unexpected news for you and you probably have a lot of questions… this is the time to ask them”. Tony released the breath he was holding. He needed to get a grip! The two people in front of him were obviously busy and he couldnt waste their time. He can have his impending series of panic attacks later. 

Putting on his CEO persona, Tony sat up with full concentration. He knew he wouldnt be able to ask all his questions now and more will definitely pop up after his mind was more … stable, but he blurted out the first one he could think of. “So its a boy? Peter is a boy?”. 

_Idiot_. 

The two professionals gave him a startled look and briefly glanced at each other before looking at him again. ‘Well at least now they know how utterly clueless I am about all this, ' he glumly thought. Ladies and gentlemen, Tony Stark, the genius of the century. The nurse spoke up this time, trying to hide an amused smile. “Yes Mr. Stark, congratulations, you have a son. Perhaps we should go through this at a slower pace. I planned to go to lunch after I take you to meet Peter and if you want I can explain some of the simpler things at the sushi place nearby?” she asked patiently. “Thank you so much. We’d really appreciate that.” Pepper said, giving the nurse a smile of relief. 

With an approving nod from the doctor, the nurse stood up and left with promise of meeting them outside in a few minutes. “So as I explained before, Peter will need to stay in the hospital for about two months. Now there's space for one of you to stay here 24/7 if you would like. If you do think of any questions for me, you can ask Nurse Ashley to page me or here is my personal number for after work hours. It was a pleasure to meet you Mr. Stark but I do have to get going”. Tony nodded as they all rose and exited the room, pocketing the doctors number (he was pretty sure it wasnt allowed for doctors to give out their personal numbers but hey, these were the perks of being him), the doctor directing them to Nurse Ashley who was waiting at the Nurses station. 

“Hey, ready to meet Peter?” the nurse asked, a sincere smile blooming on her face. Tony winced and tried his best not to back up. This was the smile of someone who actually liked - no loved babies and children. “Now I'm afraid that only two of you can enter at a time. We dont want to overcrowd the area. The first pair, please put on these gowns, masks, and gloves and come with me”. 

Tony had to go first, not because he wanted to but because one else budged without him moving first. Rhodey would go in with him because he seemed to be the only one who seemed somewhat excited, Which made sense since Rhodey was his best friend and Pepper was his secretary who didn't really like kids either and Happy, his bodyguard, who hated them. Pepper had only come to deal with the legal side of things and make sure Tony didn't step out of line while Happy came to drive them around and protect him. Now he understood why they seemed to fit so oddly in this setting. 

Three out of four of them didn't even like kids! 

He doubted the two of them would want to go in so the nurse didn't have to worry about that any longer. “You guys can go wait in that waiting room” he said as he fitted the face mask over him. They nodded and Tony ignored the confused look of the nurse. After getting suited up herself, the nurse opened the glass doors for them. Rhodey entered first and after taking a deep breath, Tony followed.

He was fine, he was fine, he was going to be fine. Just get it over with quickly. In and out. That was his mantra as he passed several tiny beds, both open and closed. Monitors let out beeps, numbers lit up screens, and the room felt warm. He gave a wide berth to a pair of what he assumed were parents, huddling over an enclosed bed while sobbing quietly in clear anguish. 

Tony had never wanted to leave somewhere as fast as possible. 

He will never complain about corporate meetings to Pepper ever again. 

The nurse slowed down to a stop at an enclosed bed in the corner with Tony and Rhodey following her lead. Several holes were on the sides of the glass cover, wires and tubes of all different sizes trailing out from them, all leading down to a tiny figure in the middle of the bed. Obscured and dwarfed by everything, from the tubes to the blue cap, to the diaper, Tony barely registered what he was looking at until he finally did. Until his eyes finally caught up with his brain and he heard an audible gasp. He wasnt sure if it came from him, it probably did, Tonys’ eyes widened at the tiny red baby that laid there. It wasnt the healthy blush red he saw from the first picture he had gotten of Harley but closer to a blood red. 

And he was so _small_ , so very, very small. 

Tiny. 

The tiniest thing Tony has ever laid eyes on. The baby was barely the size of Tonys entire _hand_.

Tony felt his heart ache, sudden, deep, and heavy. 

The babys veins showed through thin and frail skin, branching out across his small body. His chest struggled to rise and fall, a tube going in though his tiny nose. His eyes were firmly shut and tiny fingers curled in tight, holding onto nothing. 

The feelings that rushed out him were too many, too intense for him to keep inside and Tony let out a gasp, this time knowing for sure it was him. Fear, horror, sadness, hope, curiosity, protectiveness, disbelief, and pure shock just being some of them. 

This… this was Peter Parker? 

This little thing… this little grain of sand (because he definitely wasnt stone) was his child? Tony felt his knees weaken and he was a second away from crashing to the ground when he felt hands gently guiding him to a seat right behind him that appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Apparently the nurse was prepared and he wasn't the only person who has come in here and acted like a fragile old lady. 

He couldn't stop staring into the confined bed, afraid if he blinked the baby would disappear into thin air. It would only take one puff of air and poof, gone just like that. Tony felt the ache in his heart press down on him again. Oh sh*t he wasn't having a heart attack was he!? Well that's fine... Nurse Ashley seemed dependable enough.

Tony slouched forward, his own breaths just as shallow as the ones taken before him, eyes boring into the glass at the palm sized baby that didn't seem to care about the destruction happening around him. Not the death of his mother or the shattering… the _breaking_ of Tony Stark. The only thing he cared about was holding on tight to the life he was given by accident. Tony gazed at the tiny, tight, red fists, stubborn and unyielding ; the hands of a Stark. 

Peter Parker was never going to let go.


	3. When A Heart Begins To Care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im flying through this fanfic with such speed!  
> But please dont expect such fast updates all the time...  
> Im only able to do it now because I have Summer break and my work place hasnt opened back up. 
> 
> Let me know if Tonys characterization is okay so far. I tried to make it as close as I could to his canon personality integrating into the plot. I dont want any OOC so I'll tweak it if necessary.
> 
> Also, sorry if the plot is moving slow but it is about Tony learning to open and love so its a slow process *shrugs*

‘Things that weigh two pounds and two ounces’ he typed up into the search bar, his phone hidden underneath the restaurant table. A picture of a pineapple and some baby back ribs were the first things that popped up and Tony swiftly closed the tab and signed for the hundredth time that day. 

He couldnt believe he just compared Peter to baby back ribs. 

Poking at his order of uneaten California Rolls, Tony numbly glanced over at the other occupants of the table. They were all respectfully paying attention to the nurse who had kindly taken some of her time off to explain more things to them and Tony really should be listening (and he was - somewhat) but he felt absolutely drained. Information was being absorbed into his brain like a sponge but it would take a while before it all registered and he understood any of it. He had officially started shutting down when they were going over SARDs and sleep apnea, which were f*cking terrifying and things he didn't want to think about! “One of our priorities is prevention. Since the baby doesnt have much of an immune system, which would normally develop with the help of the mother's antibodies, it would be hard for him if he were to get infected with something...” the nurse rambled on and Tony could only nod when she looked over his way. He was vaguely reminded of when he was hungover in one of his morning lecture classes at MIT and every time the professor looked at him, he would do as he was doing now to keep any suspicion at bay. 

They had been eating and talking in the small, hole-in-the-wall sushi restaurant for over thirty minutes now and from the looks of everyone else's empty plates, it was nearing the time to leave. He looked down at his untouched food and sighed, wondering why he had even bothered to order something when he knew he wasnt going to be able to eat. How could he when his thoughts kept going back to that little corner bed in the NICU? Maybe he could get himself a bottle of whisky after? Nah, he needed something to keep him awake so he could throw himself into some research, not something to knock him out. He needed coffee, that's what he needed. After this, he was going to make Happy go find him the biggest and darkest cup of good ol’ roasted beans in all of Queens. “Do you have any other questions Mr. Stark?” Nurse Ashley interrupted his thoughts, looking expectantly at him. He blinked once before replying with a confident “No not now”.

He’ll definitely be up all night researching anyways.

“Alright then, Alicia asked me to hand this over to you. And we’ll see you all again hopefully sometime tomorrow….or, or this week? Hopefully?” the nurse asked, handing an envelope to Tony and looking towards Pepper, the one who seemed to be in charge. Pepper hesitated, looking over at Tonys worn out expression and then nodded, “Yes of course, this week…”. They bid the nurse a farewell and filed into the Bentley. Pepper had booked them each a private suite in a hotel in the city. Unexpectedly, this ride was even more silent than all the others.

********** 

Only in the privacy of his hotel room did Tony finally open Marys letter. The first thing he noticed was how much longer it was than he thought it would be. He had been expecting a single paragraph but instead got two whole pages of handwritten, inked words. His hands were shaking, causing the papers to shrivel underneath his fingertips. 

He was scared. 

He was scared to read Marys words because he knew they were going to change his life just as Amandas had three years ago. Just as the social workers had a few days ago. He wondered for a moment if he could just… _not_ read it. If he could just ignore it or “misplace” it or “accidentally” spill some of his coffee on it? No one would know...except for him. Tony groaned and took a big gulp of the scalding hot liquid into his mouth. 

Whatever.

F*ck his morals. F*ck his guilty conscious. F*ck his life. 

He took a deep breath in and released, settling into silk bed sheets and countless pillows. “Tony.” it started out, “If this letter has reached your hand, it means Ive died and you know about Peter. Thats right, if I had lived you probably would have never known about him and I know you would have preferred it that way. But life doesnt go the way we want it to, we both know that very well. When we met at the conference in November, I was depressed and trying to forget. The love of my life, Richard Parker, and I were going to get engaged a month before then, October 14th. He died in a plane crash on October 13th. Life ripped him away from me and the only thing I could do was register myself as a Parker, the last name that was supposed to belong to me if life didn't screw me over. Then I met you and a month later I found a new reason to live: Peter. I was finally going back to work, searching for a new apartment, and moving on with life. But my OBGYN had let me know that I was putting myself at risk. But I didn't care. How could I let go of the only reason life was worth living? So I decided that I would have him and now I did. And yes, he was worth it. Hes so small and so perfect. And hes trying so hard just to live. Sometimes I think this is my punishment for eagerly wanting to throw my life away before. But there's nothing I can do now except this. Tony, I know you arent a man eager for children and Im not going to lie and say I feel reassured leaving Peter in your hands because I dont. But I dont have another choice. I had considered May and Ben, Richards brother and sister-in-law but no matter how kind-hearted the couple are, even they would feel uncomfortable taking in another man’s and their dead brother’s almost-fiance's baby. Listen Tony, just listen to this one request of mine and after all of that, if you havent developed some sort of warm feelings for our precious child, then you can give Peter away (and I'm trusting in all the faith our one night stand can have that you'll find a good family for him). Just two months, look after Peter for two whole months. The two months he’s missed out on growing in his mother, he’ll spend those two months growing with his father. That's all I'm asking. I hope you can give our Peter just this one chance. I have a feeling that you would fall for him within a month, just as I did”. 

Tony really wished he hadnt read it. 

************ 

To say there was shock when he announced his intentions to stay at the hospital until Peter got out was an understatement. Mouths were hanging open and Tony would have laughed out loud if the situation was different and his eye bags werent so prominent from his complete lack of sleep the past few nights. “Not that this is bad but what brought out this change?” asked Rhodey after getting a grip of his bearings and looking over Tony suspiciously. Tony rolled his eyes, “Maybe I finally found salvation Rhodes, ever think of that?” he snarked back. Rhodey and Pepper glanced at each other, no doubt some sort of mental conversation going on as Happy started piling up his luggage into the car. Tony swiftly walked past the two, ignoring their looks of unease and got into the back seat. He was irritated as h*ll and really didn't need any shadows following him around today. 

Rolling down the window, he grabbed the file of papers from Peppers unsuspecting hands and shouted out “Dont come after me. I can handle it, I'm a big boy” and promptly raised the window up right after, shutting out the concerns and protests that followed. “Step on it Hogan and get me some of that giant coffee” he demanded as Happy clamored behind the wheel. Without another sound of protest, they were speeding off into awaiting morning traffic. 

He hoped the hospital was ready for him today because he sure as h*ll wasnt ready for it. 

*************

The staff were definitely more excited to see him than he was to see them. In fact, right after greeting the security at the front desk, he was led to the office of the hospital owner who had shook hands with him and Tony made sure to hand him an NDA slip right after. The owner (Tony couldnt even bother with his name right now) went on to explain how they didn't actually offer 24/7 stays for NICU parents but because he was _such_ an honored guest, the hospital had arranged a place for him. Tony had figured this was the case a while ago and offered the man his thanks. Then the man started going off on how Peter would be receiving the top care here and that he didn't need to worry about anything. Tony couldnt even give the man a fake smile as the man continued to butter him up. Clearly, he didn't know much about NICU babies if he was reassuring Tony about a swift recovery with such confidence (yes, Tony had finally done some of his own research - which _yay_ , had turned out to be more nightmare fuel for him). He was seconds away from lashing out at the man before he excused himself with a “desperate need” to see Peter. Escaping to the room that was set up for his stay, Tony started unpacking his things with little vigor in hopes of dispelling his headache. The room had a private bathroom, bed, and closet so he could stay the night if he wanted. He pulled out a mini engine from its casing and decided to tinker a bit. Pepper had looked at him like he was crazy when he first packed the metal casing but he knew he needed it to de-stress and what a perfect time to do so. It seemed like everyone was out to annoy him today so he was going to lock himself in solitude. This was one of the reasons why he had decided to move into the hospital, with no Rhodey or Pepper to constantly hover over him, he could actually breathe. That and the d*mn letter he had stored away at the bottom of his suitcase. 

Dismantling and putting together the engine in various different forms took the rest of the day. By nightfall, he was covered in grease, tools spread out everywhere, with him and the engine sprawled out onto the floor. The once pristine looking room now looked like it was part of his lab in Malibu and even Tony couldnt help but feel a bit guilty about the mess.The sudden grumble of his stomach smothered his guilt just as quickly and was a reminder that he hadnt eaten anything the entire day. He wouldnt eat hospital food if he was held at gunpoint so he instead ordered some highly rated take out. After finishing an entire large carton of Pad Thai noodles, Tony could confidently say he was feeling a lot better than when the day started. Then he began to remember why he was there in the first place: Peter. 

Peter and Mary and one chance. 

For two months he was going to be here for Peter, to watch him grow because Mary couldn't. 

He glanced at the clock hanging on a wall, wondering if he should go see the baby now. He was definitely not planning on it today, unprepared to face the fragile, delicate thing he saw a few days ago. But he had a feeling that if he kept putting it off, two months would pass by without him seeing Peter even once. He knew that and that was the only reason why he changed himself out of his greased covered outfit and walked over to the unit. He didn't catch sight of the nurse from last time and figured she was off shift and instead went to the Nurses Station. He withstood another round of shock and stuttering then was greeted by another nurse who was in charge of Peter for the night. Suiting up in what he officially dubbed as NICU armor, he followed the nurse in. Today, thankfully, there were no distraught or crying parents. Infact, there were no other adults here except him and three other nurses who were all doing their own thing. Good. He didn't need any other socializing today.

He wasnt sure if he expected Peter to look exactly the same as last time or completely different - maybe both. Peering into the glass, Tony let out a soundless gasp. Peter looked just as red and just as tiny - so small, just so, so small. But the thing that caught Tonys attention, the biggest difference from last time was that Peter's eyes were open. The tiny puffy red eyelids were open just a slit to reveal brown eyes peeking out, blinking and staring off into the air. It made Peter seem so much more real - so much less like the doll he had looked liked the first time. Tony stared into the babys unfocused eyes, the realization that this was real, that this was his child, and that Peter's life rested in his hands, came crashing down on him like gravity. A life, a human being was entrusted to him. The understanding made everything so much more terrifying... but it also made Tony realize something other than the fear he was getting used to by now. 

He needed to seriously get his sh*t together. 

He couldnt stay stuck in this same self-destructing cycle of denial and apprehension for these two months. He knew he wouldnt be able to get on board with everything right away but the least he could for now was take the first few steps. And that included making an oath to visit Peter every single day. As for deciding what would happen after these two months were over...well… that would be for another day. “Would you like to touch him?” a nurse startled Tony out of his thoughts, pointing to a hole at the side of the glass canopy. “Um, I didn't - I dont - no I dont think so.” he stammered, pointedly looking away from the other adult. Geez, how has all his flair been reduced to zero every time he was in this room? Forget winning Most Charismatic Man Of The Year for the fifth time in a row, he didn't know charisma if it slapped him in the face when he was in here! Clearing his throat awkwardly, Tony shuffled closer to Peters incubator. It was at that moment that Peter's gaze shifted just slightly and Tony felt like he had been shocked by a voltage when sleepy brown eyes met his startled ones. 

_Oh._

Peter had his eyes.

Why had it taken him so long to realize that? Marys eyes were green but Peters were brown, just like him. Maybe it was because the rest of Peter couldnt really be distinguished because of his micro-sized features and the machinery around his face or because Harely had gotten most of his features from Amanda (except for Nonnas nose). So when he looked at Harley, he could trick himself into believing Harley was way more Amandas than his, even though he knew biology didn't work that way. But already, Peter was showing Tony that he wouldnt be able to fool himself so easily this time. Tony felt himself swallow the nonexistent lump in his throat as Peter continued to look his way. He knew logically that the baby wasnt actually “seeing” anything at this point, at best some smudged colors and light, but he still felt himself freeze. He didn't know how many minutes passed by as the rest of the hospital faded while THE Tony Stark stood rigid under the stare of an infant but, it was only until Peter scrunched his eyes closed and tilted away from the light of the incubator lamp did Tony feel his body go lax. And no, there was no fleeting second where the word _“cute”_ had appeared and just as quickly disappeared when Peter had scrunched his little eyes and mouth up in what looked like annoyance at the light. NOPE. There was nothing like that here in Tony Land (the land that looked like a tornado had ravaged it after that h*ll of a stare down). 

Okay, this was enough for the day. Time to escape er- _retire_ to his room.

***************

Over the next few days, Tony did start to see the changes in Peter. They were all subtle but definitely present. For instance, on his fifth visit (Peter being officially three weeks old), Peters skin was now much less blood red and now a nice shade of pink. The next day, on his sixth visit, Tony had almost gasped out loud again when he realized the baby had indeed grown as well. It was just by an inch and according to a nurse, he had managed to put on a pound. 

A pound! An inch! 

The burst of something light and warm that Tony felt within couldn't have been expected or explained. He couldnt help but update Rhodey and Pepper on the news straight away, exclamations used all over - not realizing he was freaking out about something that he wouldnt have even sniffed at in the past. But how could he not now? He was witnessing first hand Peter fighting everyday to grow. It was a silent battle in a room with shuffling nurses, beeping monitors, the small cries of other infants, and pumping tubes. And Tony would watch Peter just as silently, sometimes encouraging the little baby in his head. He found himself thinking things like ‘You can do it baby.’ and ‘In and out Peter’. It was bizarre and pointless - he wasnt even saying it out loud and either way Peter wouldnt understand but… he didn't stop. That pound and inch was hard work for Peter. And Tony… 

Tony felt proud. 

He didn't know why, after all it wasnt as if the baby was intentionally doing anything but he still felt proud of the tiny pebble. It was an achievement like no other that Tony Stark had ever witnessed in his whole life. And hes seen a lot, from the expansion of his company to sword swallowing performers to that one woman who got four wins in poker in a single sitting. Yet...this was an achievement greater than any other. This was one he was never going to forget. On his seventh visit, Rhodey had decided to tag along, as his commanding officer had called him over for a mission for the next day. Tony felt his chest puff out when Rhodey had exclaimed that Peter had “...grown so much in just a few days Tony! Its amazing!”. He held his tongue when the words “Of course the kid is amazing, Rhodey bear.” were about to slip out. The soft look in Rhodeys eyes as he looked into the incubator at Peter staring off at nothing did not give rise to as much panic as Tony thought it would. It was still there, he could feel it, but it wasnt as overwhelming and paralyzing as before.  
For the first time in a long time, Tony felt some semblance of hope entering him. 

It was also when he realized that he needed to start thinking about Peters future. They were in a crazy world where an irresponsible person like Tony got to decide where a baby like Peter got to grow up. This could quite possibly be the most important decision he would ever make in his and Peter's life (Tony could imagine the old wrinkly suited men back in Miami faint if they heard him). So after three hours of self solitary confinement, he had made a decision. 

It was best for Peter to go to a family that can raise him better than Tony ever could. 

And Tony would anything and everything to find that perfect family for Peter. 

He pushed aside all work for two days straight, contacting Pepper about his intentions so she could help him in his search. She was way better than him at catching bullsh*t and he knew for sure that he didn't want Peter around any of that (which he himself was full of but they both didn't have any choice in that matter). He had a good list of couples in the end, each with extensive background checks, medical, psych, and behavioral evaluation results (with help from J.A.R.V.I.S - no it wasnt legal), and their contacts. Browsing through his newly created file, hidden deep among the documents on his lap top, he hoped he could make the correct choice. Thankfully, he had plenty of time to send Pepper to meet the couples face- to-face to sniff out any of the hidden bullsh*t. He was also planning on interviewing people that saw the couples often (store clerks, mailmen, whoever saw them enough but didn't have a bias). He knew he was being creepy but he wasnt planning on doing something this important half-a**ed. He wanted to do this right. He could at least make one good decision for Peter. 

On his eight visit, the doctor had ordered the switch of the IV nutrients with the OG tube. It was hard seeing the tiny baby have a tube inserted into his tiny mouth with the already existing Cpap on his nose. It jarred Tony and it felt like a step back from all the progress, even though he knew from the research it was a step ahead. It was the first time he had felt the feeling of protectiveness claw within him (wow, the amount of firsts he's been having this month was record breaking). It started out small when he had first seen the baby with it and it only doubled when he saw Peter scrunch his eyes several times in one sitting. Tony had even asked the nurse to check up on Peter, pointing out the baby's grimaces that were starting to bring up a new kind of panic within him. One that was mixing in with his new found protectiveness and worry. Was Peter in pain? Well having a tube down your throat was most definitely not comfortable. Was this normal? His worry settled somewhat after the nurse assured him that it was probably because the OG tube was a big change for the baby who was only in this world for less than a month and it would take some getting used to. Yeah, for him and Peter both. 

It was on his tenth visit, when Peter had officially turned a month old, that everything went to h*ll. 

It was right after this visit, two days after, to be more specific, that Tony had first understood the degree in which he was starting to care for Peter and how his initial plans were going to have to change.

Its the days following after that visit that Anthony Edward Stark had begun to realize what it meant to love. 

*************

Peter was officially one month old. An entire month of life and even Tony, who didn't know the first thing about raising kids, knew it was something to be worth celebrating for. Now, he will admit, the first thing he thought of was popping open a bottle of champagne. But hey, he hasnt touched alcohol this entire month and instead been revitalizing his relationship with coffee so this was fine. It wasnt so much of a conscious decision to stop drinking alcohol for the two months he would be here, it was more of a they-wouldn't-let-me-step-foot-in-the-NICU-if-they-smelled-Hennessy-on-me type of thing. But even that one NICU nurse, Veronica, who always managed to catch Tony on his bullsh*t wouldn't complain about him drinking a glass or two in celebration of Peters one month. He had gotten messages from Rhodey about the occasion and even Pepper and Happy were going to visit for the special day. He had also decided that he was going to stay with Peter for an extra long time today. Usually, he visited Peter at night for a few hours and spent the rest of his time doing as much work as possible to throw Obie off his tracks. But today was a special day so he was going to f*ck off work and Obie (especially Obie) and spend some time with Peter (there's another thought he would have never had before this month). 

So he switched the casual clothing he had been wearing for the majority of his time during the hospital after he realized that people in hospital gowns and scrubs did not care what he wore at all, and wore his favorite ACDC t-shirt underneath a fresh blazer with some slacks and leather shoes. It was probably more for himself than for Peter that he was dressing up for but hey, it was for the atmosphere. Donning the usual mask and gown and opting the gloves as he usually did after his third visit (it was basically only needed when people had the intention of touching the baby or incubator) did he step into the room. He noticed the difference right away, with several more people in the NICU than ever before. But he hadn't thought much of it since of course there would be more people here at noon than there would be at ten o clock at night. It was only until he realized that besides the few parents here, all the nurses were frantically moving around the corner he usually resided in.  
‘Peter…’, he rushed over to the crowd, one nurse messing with one of the monitors, another having a frantic conversation over her phone and two hovering over Peters incubator, gloved hands inside as Tony heard Peters cries for the first time ever. No, no it wasnt even crying. Not like how he heard the other babies in the unit wail. It wasnt as loud or clear as it should have been and kept ending abruptly then starting again. There was also a strain to it, as if the baby was trying its hardest but still couldnt cry as he wanted to, that made Tonys iron heart crack. 

It was as if... as if Peter couldnt breathe.

“What the f*ck is going on?!” he exclaimed, terrified and angry all at once. He hadnt even registered that he had cursed in the presence of so many innocent ears and no one dared to complain against it either. Instead, one of the nurses, the one that was using a tiny stethoscope across Peters chest that was struggling to rise and fall at its usual pace, rushed to Tony. “Please calm -” the nurse started but stopped when Tony had given him a look that mean there was no way in H*LL he was calming down till someone explained to him why the f*ck Peter was in his current state?!

Why the first sound Tony had ever heard Peter make was one out of clear distress? 

The nurse in front of him put his hands up in surrender, “Mr.Stark, we suspect that your son may have pneumonia, most likely from the constant cpap use”. Tony stilled. He knew pneumonia was a bad thing, it was what all the parents in movies scared their kids with when they were out playing in the rain. Sure he had come up with it a few times in his research and done a quick basic run down of the disease. But he didnt really **know** exactly what it did and how bad it was. He knew it was an infection of the lungs that caused difficulty in breathing and usually antibiotics were given as a treatment.

Done.  
That's it. 

That's all he read about because he didn't even think he would _ever_ need to know more about it. He didn't think Peter would get it from his cpap use! Wait… he did know. It was just one sentence in an entire chapter about RDS but he remembered that it said premature babies had a chance of getting pneumonia. Sh*t. F*ck. And maybe it was also mentioned a few times in that one article he read about cpaps. F*ck, f*ck, f*ck! How could he have missed that?! 

Clenching his teeth and fists, he scowled at the unfortunate nurse in front of him. “You're all going to f*cking FIX THIS before I find other people who can!!” he seethed out, shaking with restraint and an urge to do _something_ , maybe punch someone (maybe himself, maybe the guy in front of him, maybe that lying pr*ck of a hospital owner - who knows?). What he did know was that he couldn't stand being in this place anymore, Peter's tiny gasping cries breaking him apart more than any panic attack ever did. Rushing out of the unit, he practically ran to his little sanctuary, speed dialing Pepper. “Mr.Stark, we’re almost there. We’re just at the -” Pepper started before she was cut of by Tonys ragged exclamation. “Potts! I need you to have the most renowned respiratory specialist in the world sent to the hospital no later than tomorrow!” he ordered, slamming the door to his room and crashing onto the bed. Ripping off his blazer that suddenly felt way too stuffy, he heard Pepper stutter. “A-a respiratory specialist? Mr. Stark, whats going on?” she asked, Happy asking the same thing in the background. “Its Peter. He.... he has pneumonia.” Tony said, much more subdued. Saying it out loud made everything sound so much more real. The sudden silence over the phone was deafening and a moment passed by before Pepper replied, “Alright Mr.Stark, I’ll contact a specialist.”. She didn't say anymore and neither did Happy. What could they say? He couldnt stand to hear any “Its going to be okay” or “We’ll get through this”. No, f*ck that. He would rather them say nothing at all. Besides he didn't know what he would say either. 

Not for the first time in his life, he desperately hoped that Howards words of Stark men being as strong as iron were true. 

Peter was a Stark.  
Peter was strong. 

Tony needed Peter to be, because Tony wasnt strong enough to handle what would become if Peter wasnt. 

**************

When Pepper and Happy appeared at the doorway, he couldnt help but feel a bit relieved. At least now, he felt like he had people to reel him in if he did something completely crazy. He was trying his best to think straight but the line was getting thinner every second he spent alone. It was similar to when Maria and Howard had passed away, when he felt so completely lost and useless. Except this time, Peter wasnt….wasnt gone like Maria and Howard. He was still there in that NICU, fighting for every breath he took and Tony was here, trying not to lose his mind with panic and worry for someone he wasnt even supposed to care about! None of this was supposed to happen, none of it. From Peter's birth to Tony, sprawled on the ground with his head in his hands. How the h*ll has his life spiraled so out of control like this? 

‘I have to stop acting like a wimp…’ he thought, hating how he looked so defeated in front of the others. He couldnt stop Howards words from echoing in his head. He felt the comforting presence of Pepper at his side and decided that he had enough of staying on the ground for the day. He refused to be the receiving end of pity of any sort. Besides, it wasnt him that needed their worry… it was Peter. Tony hesitated on what to do next, unsure if he had the strength to see what they were doing to Peter. No, he didn't think he could bear to hear those tiny gasps again. Before any decision was made, a knock to his door made the decision for him. Dr. Kaleb stood at the door, a serious expression worn on his face. Tony knew whatever the doctor was going to tell him, he wasnt ready for it. But he was going to hear it. He was going to hold himself together and get through it. This wasnt time for Tony to fall apart. He needed to stay strong…

for Peter. 

***************

He was told a week, maximum two for Peter to recover. The baby would be given antibiotics for one week and be put on additional respiratory support. They had also removed the OG tube and went back to IVs. Tony started counting down from day one, badgering the doctors and nurses for any and every update. Despite his promise to visit Peter everyday, he couldnt allow himself to go near the NICU the next day, afraid to face Peter. 

He felt ashamed of himself. 

Tony Stark had never in his life felt so ashamed to face someone, let alone a month old baby! He had pushed it away the next day when Pepper and Happy, along with Rhodey who had rushed over as soon as he could, had made it clear that they wanted to see Peter. If Pepper and Happy who didn't really like kids, wanted to see Peter, there was no excuse for Tony to not. This time, the nurse insisted that they all needed to wear a mask, gown, and gloves. They all got geared up without protest, a tense air around them as they entered the NICU. A blue curtain separated Peters area from the rest and it gave Tony just enough time to gather himself before he saw the tiny oxygen mask covering the bottom half of Peters face. He was thankful that the baby was asleep, knowing he wouldnt be able to look into those mirroring brown eyes without breaking. He could already feel the sting in his eyes threatening to bring up tears as he looked at the tiny baby hooked up to countless wires, tubes, and patches. It was then that he realized that he had never actually seen Peters full face, as it was always partially hidden by some sort of tube or equipment. Would Tony ever get to see his own childs face? Would he ever be able to tell who Peter got his nose from? His mouth from? His chin from? 

“Hes a fighter” he heard Rhodey whisper to his left, worry and hope evident in his voice. Tony felt himself warring between puffing his chest in pride or hunching forward in front of the incubator to shield the little baby. Surely these confusing, new found feelings were a step forward and not back - right? Right. A familiar face walked up to them and greeted them with a nod. Nurse Veronica fixed Tony with a serious look and oddly enough, it was better than the looks of fear he had been getting for the past few days. “Doctor Kaleb and the respiratory specialist you sent us are confident in Peters recovery but Im not going to lie to you Mr.Stark. Even after he leaves the hospital and comes home, youll need to be careful when looking after him for his first year. Constant monitoring of his breathing and heart rate, especially when Peters sleeps, will be vital and something youll need to do. And even afterwards, its very likely he’ll develop childhood asthma. Its going to be alot and you need to be ready” she said. Tony could only nod mutely as the nurse left them alone. A momentary pause later, Pepper spoke with a tentative whisper, “We’ll need to let the couple we eventually choose know about all of this”. 

Oh…  
thats right…Tony had nearly forgotten. 

He was going to give Peter away.

Tony wouldnt be the one to make sure Peter was breathing. Tony wouldnt be the one to make sure Peter wouldnt have to suffer something like this again. Tony wouldnt be the one to see Peter grow, to see Peter gain another pound, another inch. Tony wouldnt be the one to see Peters nose or chin develop into something distinguishable. Tony wouldnt be the one to see Peter grow from a tiny pebble to a strong stone.

Tony paused, ignoring Rhodey and Pepper at his sides, Happy standing a bit of a distance away. Tony wouldnt be the one taking care of Peter but instead total strangers. No amount of data or snooping or even plain stalking would allow Tony to truly know these people. He wouldnt know their intentions or tendencies. He wouldnt really know them yet he was going to trust them to make sure Peter had a good life? It was different with Amanda because she was the mother and she and Tony had grown to be friends over the years. What if this couple didn't want him involved at all and didn't care for Peter properly? Tony wouldnt even know! What if they just wanted to raise a Stark to get something out of Tony? If it was money, he wouldnt mind but what if it was his weapons designs or something worse? Ok, now he was sounding paranoid and he figured this change was also due to Peter because he was not like this before. But his points were all valid! And Peter needed so much attention and care, something a lot of people who are looking for adoption probably would avoid. Monitoring his heart rate and breathing every single second? Especially when the baby slept? To make sure Peter didn't... Peter didn't… to make sure Peter would stay alive! No person adopting would want to sign up for that?!

He still had Richards' relatives and Mary had written that they were good people? But would they even want to accept a kid that was the result from the dead almost-fiance of their dead brothers one night stand with another man? Ugh, it left a bitter taste in Tonys mouth to even imagine explaining that to them. He had researched a bit about the couple and they were in their 40s with no children. Clearly if they wanted kids themselves, there would already be one in the picture, whether it would be biological or adopted. But there wasnt and if that wasnt a message in itself, then nothing was. His train of thought then veered towards Amanda but he wouldnt dare to ask her to take in another one of his kids. Yea, they were good friends but Amanda had just gotten into a relationship with a guy and he wouldnt want to ruin anything that might develop between them with Peter. 

No, no ,no he was running out of options!  
Sh*t!  
Okay, okay. 

There was this one guy who worked under Tony that was looking to adopt a kid but he already had five other kids with various women that he had all left behind and that screamed a big no. Then there was this one kind, rich woman he met at charities who wasnt able to get pregnant… no sh*t, she had a successful vitro last week and Pepper had sent a card on his behalf. UGH. Okay.... there was... there was Rhodey. Tony glanced over at his best friend who was looking down at Peter with nothing but soft adoration. Yea, Rhodey would make an amazing father and he trusted Rhodey with his life. If he could handle Tony from adolescence to now, there was no way he wouldn't be able to handle Peter no matter how he turned out. There was just one problem… Rhodey had the worst work schedule in the world. It was always inconsistent, sometimes sudden, and completely unpredictable. He went on undercover missions that sometimes even Tony couldnt track down and he wouldnt be able to get another day off for at least a few months. D*mmit, he knew he should have talked Rhodey out of joining the Air Force! 

So he needed someone that had a lax work schedule, most preferably someone who was their own boss, someone he actually knew who wouldnt have any need for revenge against the Stark name, someone who would actually take care of Peter, someone who would be willing to learn and know about all the things Peter needed as a premature baby…f*ck why was that beginning to sound like **him**? Tony groaned out loud, leaning his head into his gloved hands. Oh no, why, why, why? Why has it come down to _him_ of all people, the person at the bottom of his mentally constructed list? The last possible person yet somehow the only person that matched his basic requirements?! Himself?! Tony scrunched his eyes shut tight, trying to come up with anyone else. Anybody else who could fit these requirements. But no matter how many times he searched, he kept drawing up a blank. He would never have guessed that trusting so very few people in his life would come back to bite in the a** him like this. He should have made more friends! He should have made more childless, children-loving friends! 

But it was true, he had fit every one of those basic requirements. But the point was that they were _basic_. They were all necessary for Peters survival but not for his growth and development! Peter needed love for that. He need someone who was okay with talking about their emotions… something Tony was once again, the last person that should be considered. He cant do this… but if not him, then who else? There was no one else, just him. 

Peter had no one else but him. 

The tears he had been holding back brimmed his eyes. What was he going to do? How was Tony going to get through this? How was _Peter_ going to get through this? Why was Peter Parker so unlucky to have a horrible fate like this?

“Oh Peter... Im so sorry...”


	4. To Hold You Close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the biggest problems with my writing is my spacing.  
> A lot of people have told me that I have huge paragraphs that makes it intimidating or hard to read my work.  
> I tried spacing it out more but Im not sure if it works.  
> Please let me know if this is okay or if you prefer something different.

Time moved at an excruciatingly painful rate. The first few days, Tony could only wallow in his little corner while Peter struggled to sleep with so many things hooked up to him. They were quite the depressing sight and definitely the part of the NICU all the other visitors tended to give a wide berth to. 

Tony's new found realization of having to be the one who took Peter home to care for, to _raise _, had overwhelmed him to the point where he had decided he wouldnt think about those things until it was absolutely necessary. For now, he would only think about what he needed to do next.__

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One step at a time, one day at a time, one beep of the vitals machine at a time, and one drip of the antibiotics at a time. 

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He could do this.

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_Peter _could do this.__

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That was his saving grace these days; that if Peter could fight through this, then Tony didn't have any excuse not to even try. Rhodey was right when he said that Peter was a fighter and Tony wasnt going to let his _son _(yeah… that was a new thing) be the only one fighting.__

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He had started referring to Peter as his “son” instead of “child” abruptly when a man who had a spark of recognition in his eyes and didn't flee from Tony's death glare had asked if Peter was his daughter or son. After ignoring the man's question twice and realizing he wouldnt go away until Tony said something, he gave the man a fixed look that clearly meant a h*ll fire of a lawsuit if this got out and reluctantly replied back to him.

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Thus, baby Peter, aged one month and four days, was now officially the _son _of Tony Stark (as if he wasn't before just because Tony refused to say it out loud).__

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There was some real progress happening here. 

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But aside from Tony's pathetic accomplishments, Peter (his _son _, wow, he was on a roll) was the real miracle worker. At first, the countless reassurances of the staff felt like nothing but empty attempts to avoid the shut down of their hospital.__

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One particularly embarrassing episode of Tony trying not to openly tear up in the ward when Peter had started to do his little gasping-but-trying-to-cry, had Tony thinking of going after that hospital director's head with a wrench. 

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It was the first time he had spoken to Peter out loud, soft words of reassurances usually kept in his head. Tony had felt his heart flutter when the gasping cries paused for a moment and Peter tilted his head towards his direction with an innocently startled look. 

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Yeah, someone was going to lose their job if something happened to Peter.

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Or get severely injured. 

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Maybe even die. 

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(Hes wished death on other people for less. Usually he wasnt serious but this time... hey, hes already acknowledged that he wasnt a morally righteous person). 

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But after a full week and a half, Peter was no longer struggling with every breath he took and nurses didn't hook bags of various liquids on the pole every hour. Dr. Kaleb seemed to be the second most excited person as he announced that Peter was finally cleared of the pneumonia and they could take him off the additional respiratory support. He had even claimed that if everything went well, Peter would finally graduate from the NICU to the regular nursery within another week. 

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Tony was (of course) the most excited person and struggled to wrangle the grin off his face. Instead he gave the doctor a serious look that meant ‘everything better go right’. At the furthest corner of his mind, he knew he was being a little unfair to the staff, after all, they couldnt always control the health of their patients but he couldnt help it. It was completely irrational but Tony has been an emotional wreck for the past few months so they would just have to deal with it. 

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He could tolerate the teasing looks from Rhodey when Tony told him about Peters recovery, his face lit up from excitement and realizing too late that he wasnt supposed to be this excited in front of other people, but was a second away from bolting when he saw Pepper send a soft smile over his way. That involved confronting the slight flutter in his gut that he wanted to put off to another day (also known as never). He had yet to confide them both about his decision to keep Peter, not wanting to hear what a terrible idea it was from the two people closest to him. 

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He already knew he would get protests from every other person in the world, from his board directors, to the media, to Obie. But getting a rejection from these two would hurt way more than what anyone else said about him. He knew it was inevitable, Pepper would probably find out in a couple days when she would notice the receipts of the crib and changing table he had just ordered. Tony hurriedly excused himself before one of them managed to figure it out (from his scent? His posture? Aura? Who the h*ll knows how they always manage to figure these things out?) and tracked down the room he was supposed to meet the team in charge of Peter. 

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It would be the only meeting in his life in which he would be paying vivid attention to. H*ll, he had even brought a voice recorder and notepad with him! It would also be the only meeting he would arrive on time to, the rest of the participants greeting him at the door with an enthusiastic handshake and awe in their eyes. Tony was hoping beyond everything that HIPPA was as resolute as it was supposed to be (he already had three lawsuits lined up for three ex-workers who had tried to leak something to the press before Pepper had caught them red handed). The meeting was about Peters life after leaving the safe confines of the hospital and entering the wild life of Tony's.

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Apparently Peter would be introduced to formula milk in a few days and he would need to be fed every 2 to 3 hours. “Wait like in a single day?” he interrupted, his mind already calculating exactly how many times that would be (8 to 12 times a day! Did that mean that many diaper changes? Was this an equivalent exchange kind of thing?).

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“Yes Mr. Stark, that includes day and night as well” a nutritionist said. “So that means someone needs to be with Peter all day and night, every single day?!” he exclaimed. A nurse manager nodded her head hesitantly, “Well yes Mr.Stark. An infant is an all day and night, every single day kind of deal”. Tony cleared his throat sheepishly, waving his hand for the meeting to continue and avoided all eye contact. 

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Okay, for the record, he already knew babies were an everyday thing but he had always thought they could just… stay by themselves for a few hours, doing whatever babies did, without too much supervision. 

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He had planned on leaving J.A.R.V.I.S with babysitting duty when Tony would be in the lab or if he needed to go out but he didn't think the people here would understand just how sufficient his AI could be so he didn't bother voicing it out loud. But the longer the meeting went, the more Tony realized that his plans needed some tweaking once again. 

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“So…if the space between the mattress and crib bars is more than 2 ⅜ inches, they could get trapped? A-and...they could just suffocate themselves with a pillow or blanket or even a stuffed toy?! ” he asked, incredulous on how the f*ck so many adults had survived past their earlier years. 

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“Yes there's a chance but they will grow out of it. As long as you clear the crib and the mattress is well fitted, there's no need to worry too much” a doctor stated patiently. Tony swallowed the lump in his throat, giving the doctor a weak smile while reminding himself to cancel his several orders of tiny baby pillows (and no, he didn't order so many because he thought they were cute!). 

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Two hours later, Tonys head felt like it was cluttered with enough information to start a new career as a blogger mom. But he did feel a little less like he was stepping headfirst off a cliff all while blindfolded, so success! 

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However, the question that had floated into his mind towards the beginning of the meeting was still nagging him by the end. Even if Tony was his own boss, that didn't mean he could put off Stark Industries for long (especially if Obie and his not-so-merry band of old men had anything to say about it). They would maybe give him a maximum of one month of peace before starting to hound after him again to get back to work.

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Sure, Tony would probably be able to lie, charm, and sneak his way out of at least 70% of the work but that still left a hefty 30%. Plus… despite his resolve, Tony knew he wasnt ready to take care of Peter all on his own. The thought of not having all these nurses and doctors at his disposal left him fumbling. 

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Well… he could always hire a nanny to help him out. 

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Yea, that idea didn't sound bad at all. 

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Tony remembered his nanny that cared for him growing up. A sweet old woman by the name of Lauren, whom he remembered was there for him when his parents werent, which was often. 

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After all, young rich socialites like his parents clearly had better things to do than spend all day and night with their only child. 

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So if Tony got Peter a nanny… did that make him like his parents? 

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He didn't think so. After all, he was going to be raising Peter alone and couldnt be around him 24/7. Surely having a nanny care for him sometimes didn't mean Tony would be neglectful...right?

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Or at least he desperately hoped it didn't.

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Surely, a nanny with experience would take better care of Peter than a newbie like Tony? So this was for both him and for Peter. 

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Yeah...for the both of them. 

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Tony let out a year's worth of sighs.

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It didn't feel right not to attend Mary's memorial. 

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He had missed her funeral while fretting over Peter's infection and figured Mary would probably haunt him anyways if he had left Peter alone in that state. So when he had dressed in one of his less gaundy suits and instructed Happy to drive him to the middle of the city, there weren't any questions asked.

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It was a small gathering of some of Mary's friends and coworkers, bouquets of lilies scattered around the Manhattan studio apartment and in people's arms. Tony hid his empty hands behind his back as he stood in the rear, away from solemn faces that bonded over the loss of a special woman. Tony couldn't have joined them even if he had wanted to. 

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He didn't really know Mary… not like they did.

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He knew how she looked drunk, how quietly she snickered, how witty her sarcasm was, and how her lips tasted. Oh… and how much she loved her son that she would put her life before his just so he would be born. 

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Tony grabbed a flute of champagne, lifting it to the large portrait of a smiling Mary hanging at the front. He drank to the night they shared, the last words she had written to him, and the silent promise he made to her. He drank to the wonderful mother who had given Peter a chance at life but would never have the chance to spend it with him.

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When a nurse asked him for the first time if he wanted to touch Peter through the holes of the incubator, Tony had said “No” before she had even finished her question. His calloused, rough hands that only knew how to wrangle with explosives and blowtorches could not handle such a fragile and tiny being. He knew he would have to touch Peter eventually but delaying it as much as possible (just as almost everything hes done involving Peter), didn't seem like a big deal.

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But now, if everything went according to plan, he would be bringing Peter home in just two weeks. And Tony has yet to lay a finger on the baby. Most of the nurses had already given up on asking after spending days trying to explain to him that touch was one of the most important things a baby, especially a premature one, needed. And yea, Tony knew that. He's done his readings on skin-to-skin, kangaroo care, and developmental growth but… it was easier said than done.

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He's never been someone that was keen on touching others freely (especially these last few years without sleeping around with any women that interested him). He would automatically and gracefully step back if someone tried to brush against him (intentionally or not). He also hated, absolutely hated, being handed things directly, wanting to avoid any possibility of fingers brushing against his own.

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But now there were two nurses still brave (or stubborn) enough to encourage Tony to touch his son, Nurse Ashley with her calm persistence and Nurse Veronica with her goading quips. The both of them seemed to be double teaming against him, one during the morning shift and the other in the afternoon. Either way, it was getting to him and the thought of “Just do it!”, came to him one day when he walked in on Peter letting out his kitten-like cries. 

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After two full pumps of hand sanitizer (he was about to go for a third but worried about his hands being too cold), Tony slowly, afraid that he would startle Peter if he went too fast, extended a hand to where Peter's arm was resting at the side of his head. He hesitated, hand hovering in mid-air. 

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Peter's arm was so tiny and… Tony thinks he would feel a bit hurt if Peter backed away from his first touch. 

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So instead of holding Peter's arm, Tony let his fingertips lightly brush against it, keeping his eyes glued onto Peter's face for a reaction. A small kick of a socked leg was what Tony got and he wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not. However, surprisingly, it was Tony that had the biggest reaction to the exchange and not the infant. Peters arm was so soft and warm, more than Tony knew it would be. Tony felt something unfurl in him, a need that was quickly snowballing within him that he never had. It was only once he brushed against Peter again that he realized what it was.

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F*ck. How much more pathetic could he get? He was touch starved and it only took contact with his newborn son to realize it. 

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Idiot. 

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Unfortunately, Nurse Ashley just so happened to pass by when Tony stroked Peter's arm for the third time. “Oh Mr. Stark! Would you like me to help you hold Peter in your arms?” she said, unable to hide the glee in her voice. 

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Tony flinched and before he could even calm himself to say a word, the nurse walked over, rearranged the tubes and lifted Peter gently out of his warmer. Tony felt himself spasm, fidgeting in his seat and jerking his arms around.

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Nope, nope, nope, he was not prepared for this! This was not what he had wanted to do today! 

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Sputtering nonsensical syllabus, he could only watch, frozen solid, as a mewling Peter was suddenly right in front of him. Tony didn't dare move as his tiny, barely over four pounds baby, was positioned on his chest, Nurse Ashley doing all the work for both of them as she repositioned his arms in place and draped Peter with a blanket. Checking to make sure none of the tubes were kinked, she finally gave him a wide smile and stepped back. Tony could only watch with quivering eyes as the cause of his predicament and the only solution to it, walked away. 

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Now he knew for sure that she wasn't supposed to do that. He’s seen her giving other first time parents instructions on how to hold their baby! But they both knew that if she had stayed a second longer, Tony would demand she took Peter back. 

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D*mn it! 

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Why did he let these nurses get away this sh*t?! He was supposed to invoke awe and fear (except these nurses have mostly seen almost panic attacks and tears more than anything awe- inspiring from him so there was his answer). 

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Before he could spiral any further, he felt Peter begin to squirm and mewl again. It was definitely some weird magic at work (or mother nature's curse), how his panic suddenly stopped at the sign of Peter's distress, suspended Michael Bay explosions in his mind like someone had pressed the pause button. He didn't let himself process as he scooted down and leaned back on his chair, cupping Peters puffy diapered bottom and neck. 

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Surely there was less chance of accidentally dropping Peter if he was more parallel to the ground than perpendicular? 

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Surely? 

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Tony slowly craned his head down, daring a peek at the newborn now weakly pressing his tiny cheek against him. He could only watch with his breath held in awe and amusement as Peter seemingly tried to bury further into Tony's chest. He felt his heart melt when Peter let out a satisfied yawn and Tony couldnt stop himself from holding Peter just a bit tighter and closer. 

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‘This - this isn't too bad…’ he thought, surrendering to the bundle of warmth snuggled into him and let out a weak chuckle. 

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Yea, he was doing it. 

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He was holding Peter without dropping him or causing a huge meltdown. He was _holding _his son!__

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Not surprised but still disappointed at the lack of confetti, shooting sparklers, or ACDC that should have appeared at his moment of triumph, he instead hugged Peter closer in celebration. Well… he figured he should start getting used to these types of celebrations from now. Smaller, quieter, but just as special and a lot more warmer. 

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shorter chapter but I felt like this was a good place to end this one. 
> 
> Stay safe and healthy everyone!  
> Lets make this year a good one.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated! Id love to know what you all think of my story! 
> 
> Remember to subscribe if you want to know when I update! 
> 
> This is my first (and definitely not last) fan fiction in this fandom.  
> Thank you for all the support!


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